Big Brother John Gordon and his Little Brother, Angel, formed a lasting bond in the Big Brothers program.

We Live United column

   Friendships are created through the good times and memories but it is the tough times that let you know the depth of the relationship.  
   I moved back to Kansas City at the beginning of 2009 to assist in taking care of my mother who had recently fallen sick. I immediately enrolled in Big Brothers-Big Sisters, because my job in California was working with youth, and I wasn’t going to have enough time to devote to my mother and a profession. So it felt like a good fit and a way to stay connected with kids.  
   It was only a month or two after Angel and I were matched that my mother died. I elected to keep him away from the services due to our new relationship and his age. During these extreme times numerous friends and family offer words of condolence, sympathy, and advice. However, it is Angel’s words that still resonate above the rest.  
   We met a few days after the services and I was being completely honest with him about how I was holding up. Angel with the sincerity and poise that can sometimes only be offered from a child said, “I didn’t know your mom very well, but she must have been a real good woman, because of the way you turned out.”  
   Even in the moment I knew he was paying tribute to my mom and not trying to pump me up. He didn’t feel the need to say something.  He said it because he believed it. This 12-year-old was literally talking and seeing things the way my mom did: Honest, Sincere, Simple, and not in black and white. He was truly sad for me but managed to celebrate her in the moment.  
   Angel evolved into a family member and was usually around during barbecues and outings. The past few months, and summer in particular, was very difficult for my family but somehow having Angel around was always a breath of fresh air. We went to movies, swimming, camping, I became connected with his school, nagged him about homework, and did what most expect when they join Big Brothers-Big Sisters.  
   Through my time at the house I began to know Angel’s oldest brother at the house, Ivan.  We usually talked about Angel, because that was our common ground. Through the months we started talking about him and his desires to go back and get his GED and interest to join the Army. I didn’t sign up to give advice to Ivan but I could see how much Angel looked up to him and wanted to make sure he was aware of the effect he had on the little man. Ivan always asked about Angel and although usually you have to look between the lines to see if a 17-year-old older brother loves his younger brother, with Ivan it was there.
   In August, Angel’s voice on my voice mail was the saddest thing I have ever heard. It was as if he didn’t really believe what he was telling me. He informed me that his brother, Ivan, had been shot and killed the night before. His trembling voice cut me in half. I was vacationing 2,000 miles away but talked with Angel and his mother and was able to be back in two days. It was obvious the family was in need and not just emotional but they needed help with a lot of things associated with a funeral service. I unfortunately, was very fresh in planning.  
   At first I was honored they wanted me to be a part of such an intimate process, however, I quickly found myself lost and overwhelmed in my own pain of having my mother taken from me. The smell of flowers, the sound of a church, and the sympathy of a funeral gave me anxiety.   I was forced to pull the strength together and be there for Angel and his family. He would have done it for me if I had asked.  I drove the immediate family to meet with the priest the day before the service and as we were leaving he gave each of us an individual blessing … he told me to watch after the family and protect them.  
   My eyes widened, but I realized that Angel and I crossed paths for a reason. Games and movies were the foundation of our relationship but the stakes had been raised. I felt a little awkward about the priest’s words until I overheard Angel’s mom telling her sister about it and she seemed at ease with the concept. I supported Angel and his family to the best of my ability through the services and felt connected to their process and somehow managed to gain some ground on my recovery from my deep loss.  
   Late December Angel and I sat in my car and talked for a minute before I dropped him off after an outing. I said, “Well, 2009 has been a pretty hard year for both of us.” He agreed.  Angel slowly added, “I bet Frances and Ivan are hanging out and having a good time in heaven.”  He sprinted up to his doorstep and waved. As I drove off I thought how did I manage to get such a “ringer” for a little brother. I am proud to say that we have a picture of Ivan in the Dia De Los Muertos (day of the dead) shrine dedicated to my mother in my entry hall and Angel's family has one of Frances Gordon in theirs.
   Recently, Angel asked me how long the program was supposed to last or how long we would be together. I told him in my mind we’ve created a lasting bond and that I feel like I have gained not only a little brother but a nephew, cousin, son and friend. I told him I want him to be at my wedding and I expect to be front row at his high school graduation. At that point I only hoped he felt the same, and judging by the slight sense of relief on his face when I told him how I viewed the relationship, I think we were on the same page.
   Looking around any Big Brothers-Big Sisters event I don’t think Angel and my relationship is abnormal, I think we’ve just been put in front of extreme circumstances and have done what friends and family do: look out for each other.